WORDS Brent Rosen
I took a trip to Prattville the other day. My first. I found a lot to love in Prattville, but before I can make recommendations, I need to know a bit more about you. Time for a quiz:
1. On a typical Sunday morning, you can be found:
A Rushing out of the house with kids in tow trying to make it to church on time
B I haven’t experienced Sunday morning in years. I’m more of a Sunday afternoon person
C Cuddling, all morning long
2. On Friday night, your biggest concern is:
A Finding a babysitter
B Finding yourself in a police cruiser
C Finding a Zooey Deschanel movie the two of you haven’t already watched on Netflix
3. You get your recommended 30 minutes of daily exercise by:
A Chasing children at bath-time and bed-time
B 12-ounce curls
C Walking through the neighborhood, holding hands, imagining your future home together
4. Your Social Media feed is mostly:
A Kid pics
B Food pics
C “Him” or “Her,” depending.
5. How you connect with your friends:
A Playdates
B Drinking at Bud’s
C We are so focused on each other we don’t have any other friends
6. Your sex life is:
A “Before or after we had kids?”
B “Often impossible”
C “Everything man, everything.”
If you answered mostly “A,” you are “Married with Children”
If you answered mostly “B,” you are “Sunday Funday”
If you answered mostly “C,” you are “Young and In Love”
Stop #1: Bamboo Forest
(800 Upper Kingston Rd., Prattville, AL)
Just around the corner from Prattville High School is a 27-acre bamboo forest. The bamboo shoots climb upwards of 60 feet, creating an alien world of muscular shoots and strange shadows on a stunning scale. A trail takes you from the parking lot to a pond encircled by the forest. As you walk the trail around the pond, small, almost-invisible frogs jump into the water on your approach, creating so many ripples it looks like a rain storm. It’s a magical world, both for you and your kids.
Stop #2: Play in Autauga Creek
(park near Fat Boys BBQ Ranch, 154 1st St., Prattville, AL)
Not that you’ve worked up a bit of a sweat hiking around the bamboo forest, it’s time to cool off with a swim. Head to the Autauga creek near Fat Boys BBQ Ranch (a great lunch option on Saturday), and enter the riverbed from one of its many access points. This time of year the current is not all that strong. Walk all the way to the dam on the rocky stream bed, then get into the stream and let the current in deeper water carry you back to where you started. You should be reported to the authorities for animal cruelty if you own a Labrador Retriever and don’t bring it along. Ample room for picnic chairs and blankets.
Stop #3: Look at the Fish and Hit the Arcade at the Bass Pro Shop
(2553 Rocky Mt. Rd., Prattville, AL)
The Bass Pro Shops pioneered the concept that shopping should be an “experience.” Just to park one must take a winding drive through heavily wooded landscapes, I assume to get shoppers “in the mood” by making them feel like they’re on the way to a deer camp. If the driveway doesn’t get you in the mood, all of the fish and game inside the place should do the trick. There are multiple aquariums full of local and exotic fish, stuffed deer, moose, bears, and birds of all variety. Your kids will love seeing the animals and the fish and climbing around in what is basically a life-sized diorama masquerading as a store. Don’t miss the kid-friendly shooting gallery on the second floor where you can measure your sharpshooting talent with a light gun for 50¢ a try.
Stop #1: Bass Pro Shop
(2553 Rocky Mt. Rd., Prattville, AL)
The Bass Pro Shop has a bar with an 11,000 gallon fish tank. The Bloody Mary’s are great, which is good because you are likely hung over. Don’t be a hero - order something fried. Drink as you gaze in wonderment at nature’s majesty - the coordinated movements of the schools, the ripple of unseen waves on a dorsal fin, the peaceful co-existence of the varied species. Had enough majesty? Great. Finish your drinks and head upstairs to the gun section, where the clerks will be offended if you don’t handle the shotgun that comes with an American flag bandana. America is truly a shining city on a hill.
Stop #2: Time for a Swim in Autagua Creek
(go to the Doster Road Artesian Well below Jensen Stadium)
Of Prattville’s many creek entrances, the one near the Doster Road Artesian Well seems to be the safest for repeatedly violating open container laws. The city has cleared away the underbrush on the well side of the creek, providing easy access to the water. The creek runs deep but slow, with plenty of shade from the trees lining the banks. Bring a cooler of beer and opaque cups, a lawn chair, and anything that plays music. This little park practically begs you to pull a dozen friends together and head north for a rowdy afternoon swimming hole party.
Stop #3: Drinks at The Robert Trent Jones Trail
(2600 Constitution Ave., Prattville, AL)
I’m more Rodney Dangerfield than Chevy Chase on the golf course (and honestly off the golf course too), so I’ve never been to the Capitol Hill golf complex on the RTJ trail. When my friend Donovan Ivey suggested we go out there for a margarita, I kind of thought he was insane. Then I went. The clubhouse features beautiful verandas and porches for outdoor seating, perfect landscaping around a classic fountain, and tremendous views of downtown Montgomery from the first hole of “The Judge.” The margaritas will blow away any of your lingering sobriety.
Stop #1: The Singing Waffle House
(2597 Cobbs Ford Rd. off of Interstate 65)
Slide into a cozy booth. Don’t be shy about sitting on the same side. Ask the waitress if Valerie, the singing cook is in. If you go on the weekend before 12:00, she should be. Relax and stare longingly at each other over a cup of coffee while Valerie serenades you with solid gold oldies, classic hip-hop, and the occasional gospel or Christmas song, but with added lyrics about Waffle House.
Stop #2: Bamboo Forest
(800 Upper Kingston Rd., Prattville, AL)
Join the hundreds before you who have memorialized their love by carving your initials and a heart into a bamboo shoot. Once you’ve made your love “bamboo forest” official, explore the forest’s 27 acres of pure romance. Go off the trail and into the dry creek beds; feel free to explore the space. Warning: no matter how tempted you are to make love in the woods, remember it is full of frogs and insects. Keep it safe, make-outs only.
Stop #3: The Park surrounding the Daniel Pratt Gin
(The middle of downtown Prattville)
Before you leave home, put a bottle of Rose, some chicken salad and pimento cheese, some fresh fruit, some crackers, and a serving piece into a basket. Grab a blanket and something to read. Now you’re prepared for a romantic picnic next to Pratt’s dam across Autauga Creek. You can wade in the water, lay down and read to each other on your blanket, have some snacks and just relax. Now go home and fool around until you get bored with it. Next stop, “Married with Children.”